


Haunted House

by Khoshekh42



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: DGHDA Spookfest, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 12:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16475897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khoshekh42/pseuds/Khoshekh42
Summary: Todd and Dirk's next case takes them inside a haunted house. Will they survive, or will they die trying to uncover secrets that aren't meant to be found?Based on prompt 14 of the DGHDA Spookfest





	Haunted House

Sundays were always slow at Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. So were Saturdays. And all the days in between. So it came as a surprise when, one slow Sunday, while Dirk was spinning in his chair, and Todd was avoiding the paperwork that Farah was making them do, the door swung open, and a frantic looking woman ran in. Hair frazzled, shirt ruffled, and clutching her purse to her chest, she turned to the two men. Dirk stared, mouth gaping, chair still spinning slowly. Todd finally stood, slapping Dirk’s shoulder in an attempt to get him to close his mouth and talk to their potential client.

“Hello!” Dirk’s face lit up, and tried to stand up next to Todd, but only succeeded in tripping over the leg of the chair as it spun, and ended up clinging desperately to Todd to stop himself from falling on his ass. Todd could feel his face heat up with… embarrassment wasn’t the word, but Todd couldn’t think of what else it could be. Looking over at Dirk, he saw that the man’s own face was tinged lightly with red, in what Todd was most certain was actually embarrassment.

“You’re Dirk Gently?” She was looking at Todd.

Todd scoffed. “No, he’s Dirk. I’m just his assistant. Or I guess I was upgraded to ward wasn’t I?”

Dirk rolled his eyes. “Please, Todd. After all we’ve been through, you’re my partner now.”

Todd’s ears heated up, so he turned towards their potential client, missing the look of disappointment on Dirk’s face at Todd’s non-reaction.

The woman had turned to Dirk this time. “Can you help me?”

“Perhaps, I mean, we have a stunning record with strange cases, so the stranger the better, honestly.”

“I work on the restoration of historic houses. And recently, I’ve been working on a house just south of this very building. Back in the 1800’s it belonged to a man called Robert Thompson. Now, Mr. Thompson was very wealthy, and it’s said that he hid his treasure somewhere in his house. Of course, people broke into his house to try to find it- both then and now- but it’s never been found.”

Todd was unsure of how this turned into a case for them, but Dirk seemed to be enthralled by the woman’s story.

“But, every person to ever go searching for his lost wealth has gone into the house, never to be seen again.”

Todd finally piped up. “Something obviously caused you to come to us though. You seem rather, well, frantic?”

The woman turned to look Todd directly in the eyes. “Do you believe in ghosts, Mr. Brotzman?”

There was silence in the office for several long seconds.

“Because I didn’t. Until I ran into Mr. Thompson myself, just twenty minutes ago.”

Dirk was already grabbing his jacket. “Tell me everything about the ghost, Ms…”

“O’Reilly. Martha O’Reilly, I’m so sorry I suppose I just got caught up in everything that happened, and I didn’t even bother to give you my name.”

“Quite alright, Martha.” Dirk reassured her, as he quickly jotted down a note for Farah that Todd could just barely read from his side of the table.

Just popped out, found a case.  
Dirk

Todd rolled his eyes, but let it slide, even though he knew that he’d be the one getting the angry call from Farah later on, saying that if they were going to leave without warning, they had to give an address. It had happened often enough, even though usually they were just out getting something from the ice cream shop on the corner, trying their hardest to get out of the paperwork that they’d been given.

(It usually worked. If they were gone for long enough, Farah would just do it herself. Todd only felt a little guilty about it.)

 

Twenty minutes later found Todd, Dirk, and Martha all standing in front of the most dilapidated house that Todd had ever laid eyes on. Windows were missing, and vines were creeping over the red brick walls. There was a gate that looked like it better belonged in a vampire movie. The only part of the house that Todd could see that looked modern, was the tarp that was placed over a hole in the roof.

“Well, if there are ghosts,” Todd quipped, “Then this is where they’d be.”

Dirk nodded solemnly, before grinning and turning towards Martha. “Well we can take it from here, but if you would, just tell us where you saw the ghost, and literally everything about it?”

“It was in the bathroom on the second floor.” Martha was pointing towards the right side of the house, just adjacent to one of the missing windows. “That window leads into the guest bedroom, and just to the left of that is the bathroom. I was busy cleaning the mirror, and as I was wiping off the cleaning solution, I saw him just behind me, in the doorway between the bathroom and the bedroom. I turned, and there he was. He tried to attack me, but I was able to duck out of the bathroom and make it out of the house without him catching me.”

And with that, Dirk led Todd into the house.

It was worse on the inside than it had been on the outside. Wallpaper was peeling, revealing unknown and suspicious stains on the walls. The staircase to the second floor appeared to be safe, though Todd wasn’t completely convinced of the fact.

Dirk, of course, didn’t appear bothered by any of this, and giddily walked up the stairs towards the guest bedroom and bathroom. 

The guest bedroom appeared to have a horse theme. Todd didn’t object to horses normally, but this was a little excessive. Even the wallpaper featured little dancing horses. Finally, Dirk looked perturbed. “Well if this were my house, I don’t think I’d really want to haunt it for all of eternity.”

Todd snorted with laughter, and, somewhat emboldened by Dirk’s joking, he stepped through the open door into the guest bathroom, the floorboards creaking ominously as he did so.

The bathroom looked just as awful as the rest of the house, the bathtub was coated in some sort of rust, or perhaps it was mold, the toilet seat was down, and Todd wasn’t brave enough to open it up. He gazed into the mirror for a few seconds, trying to make out his own face among the grime.

“You know.” Dirk said, appearing just over Todd’s left shoulder. Todd, with his nerves having already been on high alert, jumped.

“It’s just me, Todd, I’m not a ghost. Anyway, I thought you didn’t believe in ghosts.”

“I don’t.” Todd said, ears a little pink. “But this place just puts me on edge.”

“I know what you mean.” Dirk mused, “Something about this isn’t quite right.”

Todd stared at Dirk incredulously. “You realize we’re standing in a possibly haunted house. And you think that things aren’t ‘quite right’.”

“Well, yes.” Dirk squinted into the mirror, trying to flatten his hair using the reflection. 

“The mirror.” Todd said suddenly. “It’s the mirror.”

Dirk looked over to Todd, eyebrows furrowed.

“Dirk. Tell me what Martha said she was doing before the ghost tried to attack her.”

“She was… She was cleaning the mirror.”

“Does this mirror look like it’s in the process of being cleaned? In fact, does any of this house look like it’s being renovated?”

Dirk’s eyes went wide.

“I mean, what the hell is Martha playing at?”

“Todd.” Dirk’s voice was weirdly calm. “I’m going to ask you not to panic.”

“What’s going on, Dirk?” Todd’s voice had adopted Dirk’s quiet calm. 

“Turn around slowly.”

Todd tried to spin as slowly as he could, as quietly as he could, but the floor creaked loudly under him. He only saw the figure for a second, but he could make out the glint of a knife- a large one at that. But the last thing he saw was that it was definitely Martha.

Dirk, who had heard the creaking, in one smooth move grabbed Todd around the waist, and stomped as hard as he could on the creaky floorboards. 

And then Todd was falling, crashing into a room just under the bathroom, it was large, and Todd didn’t recognize it as one that he’d seen on the way up. He really wished that they’d looked over more of the rooms before going to the second floor. But Todd didn’t have long to think about it, because Dirk was tugging at his hand, trying to run. 

“Shouldn’t we try to-” He was cut off by Martha leaping down the hole they’d made.

He ran with Dirk, not thinking too hard about Dirk’s hand clasped in his, too worried about his life to think much about anything else. 

They were running blindly through the house, unsure of where they were going. They took a left at the wrong spot and ended up cornered in the kitchen. The only way out was the way they’d come in, and that was currently being blocked by Martha, looking murderous with what Todd could now make out as a meat cleaver.

Todd found himself wishing that they had given an address to Farah.

“Why are you trying to kill us?” Dirk asked frantically. Whether he was trying to stall for time, or was genuinely curious was a mystery to Todd.

“Dirk Gently.” She sneered, “You know, I was worried you’d remember me. But perhaps you’d know me better as Project Umbra.”

Dirk went completely pale. “Martha, please, you have to know that it wasn’t me.”

Todd was still clinging to Dirk’s hand.

“You left me to die, Icarus!”

“I didn’t want to.” Dirk was crying.

Martha took a step towards Dirk, raising the meat cleaver.

Todd let go of Dirk’s hand, and forced his way in between them.

Martha scoffed, and didn’t appear to seem to have any issue with killing Todd, but Todd stood his ground.

There was a crash from behind Martha, the door opening. Dirk seemed to be able to see the person who’d come into the kitchen, because he called out:

“Don’t shoot!”

Martha spun around, and just as quickly, crumpled to the floor with a swift knock to the head.

Farah stood before Todd. 

“How did you know where-?”

“I’m not an idiot, Todd. I’ve been tracking Dirk’s cell phone since we met.”

Dirk was looking sadly at Martha. “I suppose we should call the police.”

Todd didn’t say anything. He just patted Dirk comfortingly on the back. 

“I’ll get her outside.” Farah offered. Dirk nodded, and Farah scooped her up and slung her across her shoulder, walking out of the kitchen with a final glance back to Dirk and Todd.

Dirk looked somewhat guilty. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.” 

Todd shook his head, “Hey, I’m used to it.”

This only succeeded in making Dirk look even guiltier. 

“No, that’s not what I- what I’m meant was that it’s fine, Dirk. I enjoy this. It’s better than the shitty job at the Perriman Grand.”

“Thank you.”

“Any time.” Todd smiled, and motioned towards the door.

Dirk smiled back, grabbing Todd’s hand absentmindedly on the way out.

Todd pretended that he didn’t notice.


End file.
